I walk on a tightrope between two realities, two dimensions really.  One of these realities looks, hears and feels like everything I have ever known.  It is solid.  It is familiar.  It has been my home.  The other dimension is groundless and shape-shifting, pushing me beyond what I know, banging the drum of folly and freedom.  Where there is solidity there are rules to follow, laws to be agreed upon – or at least that’s what I hear from the parental soundings of my left brain.  The right side of my brain is a childlike serpent, riding the waves of the uncontainable nowmoment.  Following the lead of my right brain is like following Dionysus on one of his drunken mad ecstatic episodes, or like following the white rabbit down the hole into the archetypal unknown.  She is kundalini.  She is wise. She is wild.  And she is messy.

The desire to keep my kitchen clean, my room clean, my hair clean is the same desire to keep my internal energy clean.  But life in the biggest sense is so dang messy.  The earth is rich with madness.  Walking through the forest on a hot sticky day, red earth squeezes between my toes, burrs attach themselves to my pants, sticking to my dreads.  If I am to open to the beauty of what is, I will breathe deeper and feel more connected to life; if I resist it, I lose the gift of a deeper connection to the moment that transcends the mundane.  I am nature.  I am the “Golden Mean Ratio”, and I am the chaos that breaks old forms to birth new paradigms.

Iassociate clean with knowable, coherent and recognizable.  When life around me is clean I can see where things go.  Everything makes sense and there is comfort in order.  Comfort is nourishing and is necessary as rest.  But if I sleep too much I become dull and lethargic.  And while comfort when in balance plays a positive role in life, it can quickly become a cul de sac – a dead end – when I make it my defining reality.

Were the pioneers who founded America comfortable crossing the great plains?  Was Gandhi comfortable during his hunger strike in his effort to unite the Muslim and Hindu people?   To birth new levels of consciousness, we need to push beyond our comfort zones and get our personalities dirty.  We need to stir up the calm waters and let the mud at the bottom of our subconscious mix with the clear waters of the conscious mind.  This is where we truly meet our creative genius authentic selves.

In the movie “One Man, One Cow, One Planet,” biodynamic farmer and visionary Peter Proctor demonstrates that water exposed to chaos makes for healthier water. Barreling down a mountain and crashing into rocks and boulders, water becomes richly oxygenated. Whereas, water that is coddled by man-made concrete walls lacks vitality and healthy viscosity.  And guess what?  We are made up of 70% water.   Our health and vibrancy is directly proportionate to our willing eagerness to say YES to the ever-shifting, wild rollercoaster ride of life.  Once I have surrendered to the ride, surrendering to the sharp twists and turns, I can laugh at the craziness and scream with joy in the letting go.

Ionce had a dream where I was driving a car and the steering wheel was thrust out of my hands.  The car began to miraculously drive itself.  A loud booming voice called out to me, “No matter where you go, no matter what you do, you will end up in the same place.  So sit back and enjoy the ride.”  With time I have come to understand this dream even more.  There is a wise, raw energy, a divine intelligence, that lives within me.  The more I follow her lead, the freer I feel… the freer I am.

It is an energy that begs for my attention in this moment.  “Come into this present moment with me, “ she calls.  “I am here.  You won’t find me anywhere else.  I am ever changing, and I am your key to freedom.”